“Oh, for the good old days when patients just did what their dentist told them to do.” I hear this lament all too frequently. And while this Faustian wish begs for a response, I’ll defer that to a later issue and focus today on what contributes to a person’s openness to your influence.

 

I do understand the frustration dentists feel. You believe yourself to be an expert in all things clinical and to a greater or lesser degree, you are correct. You have invested many years, many dollars (or pounds or euros) and a great deal of effort in your education and in gaining the experience to become a sound clinician. Good grief. That ought to amount to something more than a few plaques on your wall.  You rightly believe you have earned the right to a clinical opinion and you want that opinion to make a difference to the people who come to you for care. You want that opinion to be influential and make a difference to your patients.

 

So many dentists are frustrated, however, when their clinical opinions appear to carry little weight, and that is what I want to address today. You might have experienced any number of patients engaging in the following types of behaviors:

 

*After your exam and recommendations are delivered, you ask if there are any questions. There are none. You then leave the room, only to have the patient turn to your assistant or hygienist and ask, “Do I really need to have that done?” Grrrrrrr!!!

 

*You’ve been as clear as you can be. The tooth is sick. It has been asking for help for a long time and you have been advising your patient to act for some time now. It isn’t getting better on its own. You reiterate your opinion and your recommendation. The patient nods his or her head and saunters to the front desk. When asked about scheduling, the patient responds, “I think I’ll wait a little longer. It isn’t really bothering me yet.”  Grrrrrr!!!

 

*The patient finally agrees to let you provide care. The appointment is made; fees are discussed; financial arrangements are made. Once seated, however, the patient turns to you and says, “I’ve decided I’d just like for you to patch it. The onlay will have to wait.” Grrrrrr!!!

 

As frustrating as these events can be, they suggest more about the dentist than about the patient. If the dentist’s recommendations are being discounted that means other influences are having a greater impact on the patient’s choice.  Either your opinion has become less important for some reasons or other factors and/or opinions have become more important. How can that be? What does it take for your opinion to be a significant influence in the decision-making process of your patients? Ultimately, it takes a relationship which is based on understanding and respect, but it all begins with curiosity. Your curiosity.

 

Every single team I visit believes that they are unique, distinctive, and a cut above. When I ask what makes that distinction, dentist and team members alike often cite their caring attitude as the hallmark of what makes them special. Yet “we care about our patients” means little if that care doesn’t translate into something significant rather than simply fluff. My questions about how that caring is demonstrated are often answered like this:

 

“We know their names when they come through our door. We know more about them than just the dental procedure du jour. We know their families, where they work, their hobbies and where they go on vacation.”

 

Sorry. Not enough.

These same team members are hard pressed to explain how any of these things translate into something of substance and meaning to patients rather than simply superficial social conversation. Now these things are nice, but they don’t earn any special privileges in the influence department.

 

For “caring” to make a difference, it must result in the patient acknowledging and respecting you in your rightful role as clinical advisor. So what is the link? Again, curiosity.

 

When you are curious enough about your patient to honestly be interested in what is important to them, why they have sought dental care in the first place, why they have chosen you from amongst the many options available, what will make them happy, how they want to be treated, what they want to avoid, and a plethora of other things.....you earn the right to a place of influence.

 

Here is how it flows. When you are naturally curious, you ask great, probing questions. When the answers to those questions are important to you, your listening skills must become refined so that you will become a better listener. When you ask the right questions and listen well, you will know more about and better understand your patient. When you truly understand, you are less likely to go to judgment, so respect (although not necessarily agreement) for the patient is more likely. And now, here is the clincher:

 

 

Think about it. When was the last time you took the advice of someone who did not understand your situation and thus could not possibly relate to it? Even if that person came with some expertise, you were more likely to discount the value of that expertise if you believed it would not translate into your life and your unique circumstances. This might be something you have experienced in many areas in your life. For example:

 

A person who tells you not to worry about how something will impact your life when they know little about your life in the first place.

 

Someone who gives you advice based on what they would do if they were in your shoes. But they’re not in your shoes.

 

Someone who offered unsolicited advice based on incomplete information.

 

Someone who presumes to know better than you what is in your best interest.

 

When patients blow off the recommendations their dentist makes, it is often because they are experiencing one of the examples above. While they may acknowledge the clinical expertise of their dentist or hygienist, they will insist on balancing that opinion with their own expertise about the elements which combine to form their entire life.

 

Remember, you may be the expert on clinical dentistry, but your patient is the expert on his or her life. You must not get that distinction confused.

 

So what would change this? Curiosity, followed by great probing questions and excellent listening which would lead to a real understanding of this patient and his or her perspective. That inevitably leads to respect which earns the right to have greater influence than if these things never happened.

 

Under these new circumstances, you would never hear a dentist say, “You need a crown.”  Rather, you might hear something like this:

 

“My clinical opinion is that the tooth is asking for some substantial help right now and that would be a crown. That is my recommendation as to the best way to take care of it and I’d like you to take that into consideration as you weigh other things that are important to you like time, money, predictability, and appearance. I know all of those matter to you and you will know what is best in those areas. Just remember that it won’t get better on its own and it will never be more comfortable, more predictable, less costly and less complicated than it is right now. I’m ready to help you now if you can sort out all of the other issues.”  Voila! Influence.