Skip to content
Back to Blog

971: The Impact of Negative Self-Talk as a Dentist – Dr. Charlie Ward & Dr. Rachel Ward

Do you ever feel behind, inadequate, or unworthy of praise? In this episode, Kirk Behrendt brings back Dr. Charlie Ward and Dr. Rachel Ward, faculty members at The Pankey Institute, to share how to overcome the comparison trap in dentistry that is sabotaging your practice. If you're constantly questioning yourself, this episode is for you! To learn how to reframe your thinking and focus on the positives, listen to Episode 971 of The Best Practices Show!

 

Learn More About Dr. Charlie Ward & Dr. Rachel Ward:

Learn More About ACT Dental:

More Helpful Links for a Better Practice & a Better Life:

Episode Resources:

Main Takeaways:

  • No one comes out of the womb being good at dentistry. It requires hard work.
  • Stop “living in the gap”. If you're 95% to your goal, don't focus on the 5%.
  • Different friend groups are important but find your tribe of dentists.
  • Don't let negative self-talk and negative thoughts define you.
  • One bad day at the office doesn't make you a bad dentist.
  • Perfection is poison. It’s impossible, so don't chase it.
  • Compare yourself to yourself, not to other people.

Quotes:

“I want to add value to people's lives. I want to add value to my patients' lives and my team's lives. But then, in the back of my head, it's this little talk that's going, ‘Are you doing good enough? Are you doing enough? Is this really the best that you can do?’ I don't think I'm alone in that. It's a very common thing when I talk to other dentists.” (7:36—7:55) -Dr. Rachel Ward

“You are not your thoughts. Just because you have that [negative] thought in your head, it doesn't define who you are. Everyone is going to have negative self-thoughts that come up or negative feelings that come up. But are you going to dwell on that thought and let it define you, or are you going to keep working and push against that and lean on people around you to know that that does not define who you are? One bad day in your office — we all have bad days — that doesn't mean you're a bad dentist. We tend to forget about the 50 other good ones where the patients that had a great experience gave us a hug and told us about their smile at their kid's wedding. But instead, we're thinking of the distal-lingual margin on the crown prep on number 15. So, I think realizing that just because you have that thought, it doesn't mean that's who you are.” (9:57—10:48) -Dr. Rachel Ward

“We have a study group that we chat in, and I have a group of other female dentists that I went through the Institute with that I chat in with different things. So, I think having those friend groups or establishing your tribe of people that know what you're going through [is important]. I have good friends in other areas too. But it's a little different when you're in dentistry, and you own an office, and you're doing this every day. You need people that are living a similar experience to you that can understand and speak to what you're going through.” (11:41—12:13) -Dr. Rachel Ward

“People immediately put you on a pedestal when they see you stand at the front of the room, and I hate it. I hate that so much because no one ever lives up to that; it's unfair. I think people do that, and it's not just the hero worship side of it — it's what it does to the person sitting in the audience, that, ‘I can never do what Charlie does,’ or, ‘I can never do what Rachel does.’” (13:08—13:35) -Dr. Charlie Ward

“There's a confidence issue, I think, in dentistry because people don't have the support that they need to feel good about their decisions. Then they see people doing these “amazing things”, and they're like, ‘I can never do that.’ I think that's been our mission with it when Rachel and Chris and I taught together. How do we make this palatable for people? There is nothing special. I didn't come out of the womb doing dentistry. I didn't. It was a lot of hard work to get there, and it has been a journey along the way.” (13:43—14:19) -Dr. Charlie Ward

“Like Dr. Bill Lockhart said, perfection is a poison because it's impossible.” (14:20—14:29) -Dr. Charlie Ward

“When my expectation is unrealistic, that's killer. It's [about] setting that expectation that excellence is our goal. That's what we're striving for every single time. Sometimes, great has to be “good enough” so that everyone can move on and be happy because the patient is happy. In most of these cases, the patient is happy and we're not. That's what makes it difficult, I think.” (15:06—15:34) -Dr. Charlie Ward

“I worked with some of the dental students at Creighton sometimes. Seeing them come out of school, and following these influencers and, ‘I'm going to do All-On-4. I'm going to do all these veneer cases,’ and having these high expectations and almost trying to run before you can walk — that's not fair to them to try to live up to the expectations of somebody being out 20 years, and them just getting out now. So, I feel like [the pressure is] a lot more in your face. Before, maybe you had to go to a conference, or you had to seek it out, or you knew, ‘I'm going to go listen to this great person.’ But now, you just open up your phone and start scrolling, and you're seeing all these cases. And with that too, you're seeing their highlight reel; you're not seeing their every day. People are cherry-picking what they're putting on Instagram. And even after that story is posted, you don't know if that dentistry lasted a long time. You don't know what it looked like two months later. We all know that. But I think constantly seeing it every day, we tend to forget. So, it's a good reminder to step back sometimes and hear people like Charlie say, ‘Hey, not everything I do is great. There are some compromises,’ and acknowledging that as a profession so that younger generations know we've had our struggles too.” (17:31—18:52) -Dr. Rachel Ward

“We've got enough pressure on ourselves as high achievers in dentistry because most of us are high achievers. The work that we're doing, we're so hypercritical of. Then, we have a story that's getting told digitally every single day, every single break, every single time we pick up our phone that everyone else is better than me — and it's just not true. It's just not true. And I hate that for, I'm going to say the younger generation, but it affects me too. When I look at that, I'm like, ‘Man, I want to do that.’ Then, I have to rewind and be like, ‘I can do that.’ But the immediate thought is always negative.” (21:13—22:00) -Dr. Charlie Ward

“A book that actually comes to mind is Jim Collins' Good to Great. That was something I read being like, ‘Yes, I'm good and I want to be great.’ He says something in there about being the best version of yourself. No one is in the exact same situation as you. So, yes, I'm going to compare myself to all these great dentists, and I want to try to do that. But does this other person have five kids? Are they running them to carpool in the evenings? Are they running a business? They're in a different circumstance than I am. So, can I be the best mom, the best dentist, the best business owner in my circumstance? I think that goes back to excellence versus perfection. I'm not going to do any of those things “perfect”, but I can do them to the best of my ability. I can find small moments with my kids where we do something special. I can find that moment with my patient where I connect with them. So, again, reminding myself of that. That was a little reframe, realizing I don't have to be somebody else. I'm never going to be able to do the same dentistry as somebody else where that's all they do all day because I have all these different hats.” (25:16—26:24) -Dr. Rachel Ward

“Rachel, I think, is the one that told us to read The Gap and the Gain, which really hit home with me because of this comparison issue. If you haven't read that, it's excellent. It's an easy read. But the whole point is, are you living in the gap, which is the area that you haven't achieved. So, if I get 95% of the way to my goal, my tendency is to focus on the 5% that I didn't get and not the 95% that I achieved. That was a huge reframe for me to be like, you need to compare yourself to yourself. What was I doing ten years ago? What was I doing five years ago? Am I better than that person? I can't compare myself to Chris or to Rachel or vice versa because we're in very different circumstances. Our learning is different, our families are different, our practices are different, all of those things. That's an unfair comparison for any of us to make. And again, it goes obviously up to social media and the people that we see lecture and all of those things, that if I'm not comparing myself to myself and making an unfair comparison, that affects my mental health. I think as I've gotten older, that's where my focus has been. Like, am I a better dentist? Am I a better dad? Am I a better husband than I was last year or the year before or the years prior? If not, then why? If so, then I feel good. Now, I can keep pushing forward. That's the comparison I feel like we should be making, and it has to be to ourselves, not to other people.” (28:04—29:43) -Dr. Charlie Ward

“There has been no other group or CE or experience that I've had in dentistry in my life that's had more impact than the Pankey Institute has had, period, plain and simple. And it's not strictly about the education. I think the things that Pankey teaches from a predictability standpoint are making our lives easier in the dental chair, but the things I learned about practice philosophy like, ‘What kind of practice do I want to have? What does that look like? How can I achieve those goals?’ I don't think that's being taught anywhere else. That's the only place that you're getting that type of education, and those are the questions that especially younger dentists need to be asking if they're not asking it yet.” (33:04—33:49) -Dr. Charlie Ward

“It's a journey, and you're just in a different part of your journey than I am. And again, going back to knowing that you're not your thoughts, telling yourself you're brave, you're courageous, you've got this, and then building a network of people that can also tell you that. Because it's one thing to tell yourself that. But then, to have other people believe in you too, that's a whole other superpower that's going to unleash great potential.” (36:25—36:49) -Dr. Rachel Ward

“If we can stand with someone who's at a different part of their journey and think of them as a fellow traveler along the same path, then that's a different relationship than an expert and an underling, if you will. I think about that all the time when that creeps into my head, that whether I'm speaking to a participant or I'm looking up to someone who's doing things that I aspire to, we're all on that path if we want to be as excellent as possible. I think what we have, Rachel and I, Chris, and the Pankey community, is that everyone on that path has got a hold of somebody else's hand and is pulling them up with them.” (37:22—38:12) -Dr. Charlie Ward

Snippets:

0:00 Introduction.

1:53 Dr. Rachel Ward’s background.

4:03 Impostor syndrome and feeling worthy.

10:49 The origin of their group chat.

15:57 Social media pressure for dentists.

23:16 Don't fall into the comparison trap.

29:54 Going to Pankey will change your life.

36:06 Final thoughts.

Dr. Charlie Ward Bio:

After graduating from the University of Maryland with a Bachelor of Science degree in 2004, Dr. Charlie Ward went straight into the University of Maryland School of Dentistry. He earned his DDS degree in 2008, and since then he has completed the Essentials courses and many others at the esteemed Pankey Institute, where he now serves as visiting faculty. He is currently a member of the Maryland State Dental Association and the Academy of General Dentistry.

When Dr. Ward isn’t spending time with Dr. Melody Ward and their two young boys, Cyrus and Lucas, he can often be found golfing or fishing. He also enjoys playing the guitar. While in dental school, he was actually in an all-dentist band called Incisal Edge! He even has his own guitar collection and has turned his basement into a music room.

Dr. Rachel Ward Bio:

Dr. Rachel Ward received her Bachelor of Science in Biology from Truman State University in Kirksville, Missouri. She then continued her education, receiving a Doctor of Dental Medicine degree from Southern Illinois University Edwardsville. She began her private practice career in St. Louis, Missouri, followed by time in San Antonio, Texas, and Omaha, Nebraska, due to her husband’s career in the United Staes Air Force. After 10 years in the service, her husband separated from the Air Force and their family decided to make Omaha their home.

In 2019, Dr. Ward became a Fellow with the Academy of General Dentistry and subsequently received the distinction of Master with the Academy of General Dentistry in 2022 by accumulating over 1,100 hours of continuing education. Less than 2% of dentists have earned this distinction. She stays active with the Academy as a board member for the Nebraska AGD.

In addition to the AGD, Dr. Ward is a member of the American Dental Association, American Equilibration Society, American Association of Women Dentists, and American Academy of Cosmetic Dentistry. She also spends time as a Faculty Assistant at the prestigious Pankey Institute in Key Biscayne, Florida. She also serves as an advisor to The Institute.

Dr. Ward and her husband, Daniel Chartrand, have five children together and stay busy transporting kids to and from activities. When she finds some free time, she enjoys running, lifting, biking, and swimming.
ACT Dental Team

ACT Dental Team

    Subscribe to our newsletter