You know that tradition right after the new year where people pick a word and resolve to use that word throughout the year to guide them? This is the first year I am participating, and the word I chose was “calm.” Not because I am calm but rather because I often feel and react in a way opposite of calm. In addition, recently I humbly realized that the way in which my youngest daughter deals with stress is partly from watching me handle my own stress. Unfortunately, the model I have given her isn’t ideal. You see, I am improving greatly at staying calm under pressure but historically it hasn’t been my strongest attribute. Parenting is hard!
There is lots of evidence that staying calm under pressure allows one to access the frontal cortex, the logic center of the brain. We all know that thinking straight during times of stress is critical. For leaders this calm during the storm is even more important because the eyes of those you lead are on you. How you deal with your own stress shows them what is acceptable when they face pressure. The humble question is “have you given your team a good or bad model to emulate?
So how am I doing on living the word calm? Not great. I’d give it a 4/10 but I’m not done trying. There have been a few times where my thinking of the word has in fact altered and softened my emotional response. I’m still practicing and there is a specific question
Every skill takes practice to perfect. Staying calm is no different. I advise asking yourself a simple question to help you identify your emotional triggers before they result in a response you’ll later regret. “How do I wish to be experienced right now?” is that question. Your emotions are valid and you shouldn’t second guess them. However, it is up to you how those emotions get relayed to the outside world. When I say ask yourself a question, it isn’t rhetorical. I advise you to actually think about the answer. That thinking will help you calm down and you’ll be able to validate the emotions while deciding what level of emotion is best to share with those around you. Try it. Practice when the stress level is low and see how it works. It just might pay off the next time the panic button goes off and your team is surprised by how calm, cool, and collected you are.
